Even More Spike Milligan Side Splitters

Jul 13, 2012 by

Some random jokes, poems and quips from the master of quirky and surreal himself … Mr Spike Milligan …


Money can’t buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard











Sardine Submarine
A baby sardine saw his first submarine,
He was scared so looked through a peephole.
“Oh come, come, come”, said the sardine’s mum,
“It’s only a tin full of people”!


Bazonka

Say Bazonka every day
That’s what my grandma used to say
It keeps at bay the Asian Flu
And both your elbows free from glue.
So say Bazonka every day
(That’s what my grandma used to say)

Don’t say it if your socks are dry!
Or when the sun is in your eye!
Never say it in the dark
(The word you see emits a spark)
Only say it in the day
(That’s what my grandma used to say)

Young Tiny Tim took her advice
He said it once, he said it twice
he said it till the day he died
And even after that he tried
To say Bazonka! every day
Just like my grandma used to say.

Now folks around declare it’s true
That every night at half past two
If you’ll stand upon your head
And shout Bazonka! from your bed
You’ll hear the word as clear as day
Just like my grandma used to say!

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

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