Spike Milligan Side Splitters

Mar 9, 2012 by

Some random jokes, poems and quips from the master of quirky and surreal himself … Mr Spike Milligan …


I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

I’m not afraid of dying I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

A Silly Poem

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I’ll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?


On the Ning Nang Nong

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There’s a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can’t catch ‘em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

Aperitif : French for a set of dentures.


The Worlds Funniest Joke …*

Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there.

Sellers: Oh, is he dead?

Bentine: I think so.

Sellers: Hadn’t you better make sure?

Bentine: All right. Just a minute.

Sound of two gun shots.

Bentine: He’s dead.

*Officially voted best joke of all time.

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